11.02.2009

no greater love

I woke up yesterday morning in a completely stressed-out state. The fact that President Milne was already off to one of his many meetings of the day, didn't really ease my situation. See, I realized what the date was (November 1, 2009) which meant it was fast sunday- which meant that we were already in November- which meant our YW Evening in Excellence was three days away- which meant that I was supposed to have made up invitations- and called to put an announcement in the ward bulletin- which (since I failed to do that) meant that I would have to be ready for church even earlier to try to get the announcement made anyway- which meant that I had to rush (on a stomach that had been entirely emptied of contents the night before due to some indian food)- which I knew meant that I would look not too super at church- which meant that my confidence would be in the low range- which just increased my nervous factor because I thought that it might have been my turn to teach the combined lesson that I wasn't ready for in the slightest- which upped the stress factor even more- which ultimately created a big hot mess of broken down Angie...

There were so many things that I had wanted this last week, so many things that I needed to do, so many things that I didn't get to, and a few things I just forgot. I felt like I was a total let-down in the wife/YW leader/student/friend/sister/member of the church department. Now let me say, I continually set (high) expectations for myself, and get very frustrated and feel like a complete failure if I don't measure up. This coupled with the fact that I seem to be surrounded by superwomen, makes me think I could be on anti-depressants if it weren't for Stu boy here. 

Everything turned out okay by the time we got to church, but I was still beating myself up over my little failures when the opening song started, "How Great Thou Art." My feelings of inadequacy seemed to melt away as I sang of my Savior and his immense power and incomprehensible love. This man who has power to create worlds, power to raise the dead, died for me. He suffered to make up for my shortcomings, to take away my sins and sad times. Sometimes it's hard to understand all that the atonement encompasses. And sometimes it's hard to let others carry your burdens when you stubbornly try to do things on your own. Like me. I just... I love my Savior. I know that he knows my hurts, he's felt my little failures, he's experienced my every pain, and He can help me get through it all if I let Him. Even my stupid little doldrum days, He can help me realize my true worth and give me peace. I know he loves me. He knows me. He understands me. And apparently He knows when to grant me a tender mercy in the form of a sweet friend (thank you Amanda).  

this is how i feel. 

4 comments:

Bev said...

I would have never known you were hurting yesterday. Loved your testimony and you looked so cute and put together....hang in there, you're doing a great job!!! I know a bunch of YW who LOVE you!!

1autumn said...

I loved your testimony :) Thank you! Its always a pleasure to hear thoughts on the savior. Angie I know I've felt simmilar to you, you know somedays you just don't know what your going to do with yourself your just so overwhelmed and feeling like nothing your doing is measuring up... but its like you said you just have to try and let the lord help you (because he's already been through what your going through) and realize that your imperfect but with his perfect help (love) you can get through anything :)

nate and amy crandell said...

this is why I love reading your blog your so uplifting and have the best testimony!!! and if you ever need help with yw invitations you just let me know I use to always make them for our old ward, it's my favorite thing to do, so just let me know :)

angela hardison said...

thanks for this post -- i can relate on so many levels!